Yes, I’m tired. Last night after I finished teaching at 11pm, I went into the office, awaiting my ride back to the apartment. JW asked for just one moment as he was completing an email, so I sat down. Worry immediately crossed SYJ’s face, and she said, “Oh, Professor, you look so tired.”
And I realized that suddenly, indeed, I was tired. Exhausted.
The previous four hours I had not realized this at all; although, I did seek a cup of coffee during a break—something I hadn’t done since my first night of teaching when I was still adjusting to the time difference. And as I think I have mentioned here before, I can almost always run on fumes and make it through a class—I enjoy my time in the classroom so much. In almost all of those times that I am tired or run down or ill, as soon as I stand up and say, “Good morning!” (or “afternoon” or, as I am doing this summer, “evening”) (Last semester when, before class and in the hallway, a student greeted me in a similar manner, using my voice tone as he did, I thought he was teasing me; he promptly and profusely insisted that he was genuinely trying to say good morning as well and that he appreciated my greeting each class—that he’d miss the next semester.) (ah---as tired as I may be, we mustn’t let those rabbits get away, yes? ;-) ) - - - - ah, so as soon as I stand and greet the class, I have that surge of energy that comes from who-knows-where and I forge ahead, losing myself in the seventy-five minutes of legal discussions. But in those same times if I am tired or run down or ill, after class, I feel like the mother who has just lifted the two-ton auto off of her child---weak, depleted, and a bit unable to put any number of thoughts together. The adrenaline has not only exited my body, but it’s taken with at as payment any leftover remnants of energy.
Of course, last night, it wasn’t seventy-five minutes. It was two-hundred and forty. I didn’t know before class how tired I was. But afterward, there was no mistake. It had all caught up with me.
For the first time here, I had to nap this afternoon. I wanted to take a walk, even if just on the treadmill (I would use caution not to jam my finger again; it’s doing fine, thanks! J), but I simply could not. And so I rested for a short time. (I also have the (read the next with a sarcastic tone) joy to have this unique condition such that when I’m particularly tired or stressed, my body, well, I suppose a way to explain it is to say it essentially creates its own histamines. Then fights them. It’s like a bodily system with multiple personalities. ;-) Bizarre. I know, right? (hey, I bet you have some goofy quirk too. ;-) ) Anyway, yes, that’s been acting up since the day after I arrived, but it’s minimal. Still, with each area affected, it’s a reminder to make sure that I do indeed rest enough. (And yes, Mom, I have my epi-pen. And no, it’s not affected my throat at all.))
Ah – so after my nap, I awoke to the email from JW, telling me that he and SYJ had worried about me last night: I looked so very tired. On the one hand, it’s nice to know it’s not just me and clearly, I’m worn. On the other hand, what woman ever wants to hear that she looks tired? My goodness.
I’ll catch my second wind; I’m sure. I’ve tonight to get through then a day off before the, oh heavens, let’s call it what it is: weekend from Hades. I teach 7p-11p Friday, 9a-12p & 2p-5p Saturday and 1p-7p Sunday. That's covering nine classes in forty-eight hours. Um Hm. (And no, I don’t know how I will prepare for all of that, but I will. I even made great progress toward that this afternoon. And most of this material, I taught in early June, so it’s still very fresh in my mind.) But after that, it’s all downhill: Monday off, three more nights of classes, then Friday off, exam Saturday, and depart Monday. (oh -- but there's exam grading and exam writing to do in between. Yes, there's that.)
And don’t worry, Mom. ;-) I’m eating fine. I have an abundance of fresh fruit and lots of other wonderful things. (I suspect I’m eating two kiwis a day. Can you overload on kiwi?) And even when I did not want to take extra time to go out to eat Sunday brunch, S & CH insisted. S even claimed a bit to be my Tiger mom, and, although I cannot remember the context, even CH jumped in paternalistically at some point as that Tiger dad. They are making sure I am well and taking good care of myself. Well, as much as one can with this schedule.
Yes. the schedule is intense, but I don’t at all regret coming. I’d make the same decision again, and I’d do it again. Of course, JW and I are plotting for a revision in the class schedule when more planning is put into the program. This summer came together very last-minute. We’ve done the best we could, but we’re riding the learning curve with barely a grip on the safety bar.
Ah, but tomorrow, I take a few hours for me. I finally visit a temple and get to spend a little time there. A tea ceremony. A lesson in meditation. Bells. Harmonious chanting. And the bows? Well, okay, I’m not sure if I’ll have the energy to participate in the 108 prostrations. (Okay, let’s be honest. I’m not sure I could do that if I were totally rested! That looks tough!)
But my spirit will be renewed.
And with a renewed spirit, the body will follow. J
But my spirit will be renewed.
And with a renewed spirit, the body will follow. J
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